


To Kurt Hummel from Malcolm Anderson

by heavenorspace



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst and Feels, Blangst, Daddy Issues, Epistolary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 18:09:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10702344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenorspace/pseuds/heavenorspace





	To Kurt Hummel from Malcolm Anderson

([accompanying art here](http://accidentalacoustics.tumblr.com/post/159876176341/to-kurt-hummel-from-malcolm-anderson-read-by))

 

My dear Kurt,  
  
Perhaps you will think that an inappropriately familiar opening, coming from someone you likely despise.  
  
I say “dear” because that is what you are to my son, and therefore how I see you.  
  
I am sorry. My hope was that in using this old-fashioned method of communication, I might express myself more clearly. So far that is not the case.  
  
I’ll come directly to the point: I finally understand how much I have hurt Blaine throughout his life. And that no intent could justify the means with which I have tried to be a father to him. I certainly hope one day to I suppose explain myself, but that is all to come long after my apologies and the reconciliation I have no right to expect.  
  
For now, let me assure you that I by no means expect my apologies even to be heard or accepted immediately.  
  
I can easily imagine your irritation as you read this: why aren’t I writing this to Blaine? am I expecting you to pave the way for me back into Blaine’s life? do I feel any shame at all in writing my cri de coeur to someone I’ve hardly given any notice before? I may not have spent much time with you, Kurt, but I know how flint your eyes can get when you sense injustice or underhandedness. I wonder if you know how much everyone loves that about you, even bullies like me. Perhaps especially bullies like me.  
  
The answer to these questions is another ‘I wonder’. After all that has happened between you both, you have a good idea of just how much Blaine loves you. What I doubt you are aware of is what a different boy Blaine was before he met you. (Please bear with me, all of this is leading to the same conclusion.)  
  
I don’t intend to betray him in any way, but just like his father before him, Blaine would like you of all people to see him as far less shadowed by the past than he really is. By now you know that my initial fears about Blaine’s orientation were from irrational and poorly explained parental protectiveness. His confidence filled me with dread. In my defence, I must point out that, within a year of his crusade to attend public school and live openly gay, some of my worst fears came true. I suspect others as well, though skilfully hidden from me, like with Cooper’s collusion.  
  
At last enrolling him in Dalton couldn’t protect Blaine from even my lesser fears. Rather than learning caution from his previous experiences, his hopefulness and openness were given broader range in the environment that welcomed him. As I say, I won’t betray any details. But in the two years before he met you, and in the instance you yourself have seen, there was no end to the candidates for heartbreak who crossed easily over Blaine’s feeble resistance. Whether older or younger, masquerading as mentors or suitors, Blaine could never seem to close his heart for his own safety. In fact, when you first met him he was mooing about over a teacher’s assistant who hid his designs behind a load of cock and bull stories about gifts he would give Blaine. I think he was still carrying around an old pocket watch that the little twerp had bestowed on him before I got the school to “transfer” him out of state.  
  
So when Blaine came rushing home into the dining room one evening, gushing about an “adorable spy from McKinley” who had “the sweetest sad eyes” and was so like himself “at that age”, you can imagine my trepidation. I could expect no support from my wife or from Cooper, who are both as wildly romantic as Blaine. They listened to his noble plans to rescue you with full agreement and fascination. To me, you sounded like nothing but trouble.  
  
Here is the ‘I wonder’. Has Blaine ever told you that he confided in Cooper that very night, overheard by me outside the kitchen where they were washing up, that he had discovered true love at first sight in those sweet, sad eyes? Certainly you don’t know that I felt my own heart drop, even as Cooper treated the confession as a great joke. I listened to them play-fighting with soapy water I don’t know how long.  
  
I assume you at least know the result of that day. I sat Blaine down in my office until the early hours of the morning, pulling off the mother of all guilt trips and obtaining his word that he wouldn’t pursue any sort of romantic or flirtatious behavior with you. A flat order for him to avoid you would have backfired as it had many times before. But I did a far more ingenious job than simply reminding how much it upset his parents to watch his heart get broken time and again because of his lack of discretion. I sealed the whole thing by convincing him that, by rushing into a relationship with you, he could only ever have a trivial teenage fling. That real, lasting love was made by getting to know the other person. That becoming your friend first was the only way to know that it was true love for sure. He was overawed and completely won over to my way of thinking.  
  
Of course I didn’t believe a word of what I said. I just wanted to avoid any more boys in Blaine’s life who made his eyes get that wistful look. I didn’t even know about the young man at the GAP until we got a call from a very tense college counsellor, asking about the nature of relationship between my son and a ‘Jeremiah’. Poor Blaine was humiliated enough without my disapproving lecture.  
  
Certainly you know that Blaine was good as his word to me and kept you as much at a friendly distance as he was able. Only you can say how convincing he was in his performance.  
  
Yet from the night of my work to keep Blaine from being in love with you, a resentment has sown itself between him and myself. We were never close before and perhaps me - as I see it now, unreasonable - demand of his heart drove a wedge between us that my continued distrust of his feelings toward you never removed.  
  
That is why I am addressing myself to you and not Blaine. The love I have withheld from you and my complete absence in the relationship he has with you have created a vast gulf between myself and Blaine, and you occupy every part of it.  
  
Please say that I have interested you enough by these confessions to meet me for dinner on the day of your choice. I leave it to you to decide if Blaine should be informed.  
  
Remiss as I have been when it comes to your birthdays, I hope you will accept the enclosed gift in lieu of all the others you should have had. And perhaps as a small bribe.  
  
Yours very sincerely,  
Malcolm


End file.
